My mistake
was that I thought because I had the understanding of how the book was written, a disclaimer by me on the book would help
everyone else understand.
Well, everyone didn't understand. I have been called a hypocrite by some individuals
who know me personally, and I'm sure by some who don't know me at all, who feel that the first stone cast, should
be at me.
First,
I’m not casting stones. Second, the book is not written in a negative spirit, and if there is chastisement.
… it’s not coming from me. Like the television character Monk would say …. here’s how it
happened.
HOW THE BOOKLET WAS WRITTEN
As a writer, I’m
often asked by individuals to write something for them personally, and often I do. In late 2003 my pastor at that time,
asked me to ghost write a book for his ministry. I agreed, explaining that I would need to sit down with him or, someone
close to him so they could provide me with the information to be included in the book.
Well, it was a busy season for the church, and the time never seemed to present itself when I
could confer with someone and receive the information and guidance I would need to write a book for the pastor.
Months later, when I was frantically trying to finish my Secret of the Veil novel, I awoke early
one morning … much earlier than was usual for me.
I remember getting up and going straight
to the computer. I had something I wanted to write that had nothing to do with my novel. I had something spiritual I wanted
to say.
But wait! I had something spiritual to say? Me?
Well, apparently so. Although I tried, I couldn’t get back in bed. So, I sat down at the
computer and started to write. I didn’t have to think of a topic, didn’t have to grasp for words, didn’t
wonder how long or how short it should be. It just flowed.
Trust me, I am not particularly a
bible scholar, but I wanted to emphasize some points in the book with bible verses. I thought nothing of it at the time, but
every time I picked up the bible to look for something, it was right there, easily found ... I'd turn right to it.
At one point, I remember thinking
I needed a bible verse that was just right for a rather sensitive point I was making. I had the television on one of the spiritual
channels, and just as I thought … I really need a verse that speaks directly to this point, there it was on television.
The television was on, but I was so engrossed in my writing, I hadn’t been paying attention.
Amazingly, the program’s host was making a point similar to the one I was making in my writing; which he clarified with
a bilbe verse. I couldn’t believe it. What a coincidence, I thought.
The verse appeared on the screen, I grabbed a pen, wrote down the book,
chapter and verse, and had exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it.
I finished The Little Book … in one sitting. In a little under three hours. There
was a little refining to be done later, but it was written, as they say, chapter and verse in that less than three-hour
period.
REALIZING
WHO REALLY DID THE WRITING
Now, when I finished
writing, I decided to read it over for typographical errors. Believe me, I thought I knew what I wrote … after all,
I had written it. Right? Wrong.
When I started reading, I began frowning.
Then, I started crying. Why? Because I hadn’t the slightest idea what I’d written until I read it back to myself.
When I began writing about joy, I thought my intention was to sort of “bring in the sheep”.
I thought I was writing something to help bring people to Christ.
The first thing I noticed was that
what I’d written wasn’t about bringing anyone in, it was written directly to those who were
already supposed to be in. It was directed at Christians. People who were supposed to already have given their life to Christ.
What, I wondered in amazement, gave me the right to write something like this.
That’s when I realized … I didn’t write it. Oh, I was the one at the keyboard,
but it hadn’t come from me. When I read it, I was seeing it for the first time the same way others would.
I began to cry for real then,
as all kinds of emotions took over. There was sadness, joy, and yes, fear. There was fear because the message in the writing
was as clear as day.
As I read, I really understood
for the first time how painful it is for the Father to watch us do the things we do; and watch the way we can fully justify
our actions. The sadness I felt was overwhelming.
Right on the heels of the sadness was fear.
I felt His anger. Yes, I said anger. It was the first time I realized that some of us have this idea of the Father as this
“all forgiving” entity that just loves us so much, it doesn’t matter what we do, as long as we say I’m
sorry … before deliberately doing the same thing again.
I was feeling the other side … the side that
was clear about consequences for our actions.
THE DISCLAIMER THAT DIDN'T CLAIM ENOUGH
Finally, I pulled myself together and put my little disclaimer on the book, thinking whoever read it would
understand that the book did not come from me, but through me.
Now,
as for why I should be chosen to write what I did? I have no idea. Am I without sin? Absolutely not. I work
at being a good Christian everyday. And, some days are better than others. I believe a point of the book
was that it was not written by a religious leader, but by a layperson to perhaps demonstrate a need for greater
spiritual involvement by all of us.
I was raised and was baptized in the Baptist
church, have always known God, and have always believed.
Of course, I feel that oftentimes
when we’re children, we can accept and believe, but there must come a mature awakening and acceptance. Some call this
being “born again”. I don’t know about labels, so call it what you will … I’ll just say some
Christians experience that awakening at some point in their lives.
MY SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
My spiritual awakening began
in the mid-1990's. I began feeling a closeness to the Father, began having a better understanding of His teachings, and
began trying to live by those teachings and laws.
Then early in the 2000's, I had a spiritual experience that
changed my life forever. I won't go into detail (that's probably another book), but I will say, I was attending a
Women's Prayer Breakfast one Saturday morning.
During the prayer session, two ministers laid hands on all of
the over 100 people present as they prayed for them. After the prayer, I went back to my seat and calmly sat down. That's
the last thing I remember until I came to myself again with three female ministers and deacons standing over me praying.
Now, I asked myself some questions about what happened that day. Below are some of those questions and the answers.
•Did I make a spectacle of myself that day?
Probably.
•Did I care?
No.
•Do
I remember anything about what happened?
Only what I was told later.
•Was I changed afgterward?
Absolutely.
•Does everyone have to experience something similar?
I don't know. Somehow though, I doubt it.
I do know the book was written shortly after this happened to me. I know that I had sinned in my previous life. Okay, had
sinned over and over. But, I know God forgave me for that. Let me say again, I am not the same person I was in the past, and
for the transgressions I committed then, I know I have been forgiven.
FOCUS ON THE MESSAGE
So, before stones are cast at me, let me say, I am not perfect. Never said I was, and through the book have no intention
of condeming anyone. I don't have the power to do that even if it were my intention.
Today, I am a fun-loving,
healthy, happy, individual who enjoys life to the fullest, however there are things in my life that had to change because
I understood, without equivocation they are wrong for me as a Christian. Everyonemust decide for themselves what they choose
to do, or not do. Maybe the booklet wiill help.
